The Ex!

SYNOPSIS - A post truck accidentally drops a bucket full of letters to be shredded and a letter catches Human Meggy's eye. The letter was written weeks before Culdee and Human Meggy first dated. What does this letter mean?

(It starts off with Brooklyn Guy and Simmons parking next to a mail box. They open up the mailbox and load the letters into the truck)

Simmons: Well thats all the letters we need for tonight mate.

Brooklyn Guy: Yeah. Finally we're close to being done for the night.

Simmons: Heh yeah. Wait. How long do we have to deliever all this mail in time?

Brooklyn Guy: Lets see. Oh man! We only have half an hour!

Simmons: OH NO! We need to deliver over 300 letters before sunrise!

Brooklyn Guy: Well what are we waiting for!?

(Brooklyn Guy steps on the pedal sending the mail truck racing through the streets. Human Meggy is seen walking down town when the mail truck races by her)

Human Meggy: Jeez. Slow down on the speed road hog!

(Suddenly the back door to the truck becomes loose and the door opens causing a box of mail to fall over spreading mail all over the road)

Human Meggy: Oh no!

(Human Meggy tries to run to the truck)

Human Meggy: Excuse me! You dropped some of your mail!

(But its too late as the mail truck is out of sight)

Human Meggy: "Sigh" damn it.

(Human Meggy starts picking up the fallen letters when she sees one that has Culdee's name on it)

Human Meggy: Huh?

(Human Meggy drops the other letters and picks up Culdee's letter)

Human Meggy: What's this? This was written 1 year ago. A few days before me and Culdee first dated. "Kylie Thompson" Who the hell is Kylie Thompson?

(Human Meggy looks around. She hides the letter in her hat and runs off. It then cuts to Human Meggy in Sunny's Basement talking on the phone to Beta Tari)

Human Meggy: And when i was going to pick up the dropped mail, I saw something that caught my eye.

(Beta Tari is seen talking to her on the phone at Screwer's Diner)

Beta Tari: What would that be?

Human Meggy: Its a letter from Culdee that is supposed to be sent to a girl named Kylie Thompson.

Beta Tari: Uh huh?

Human Meggy: And it was written days before our first date.

Beta Tari: S*** he's not cheating on you is he?

Human Meggy: Tari, I refuse to believe that. We've been dating for weeks now and they all went fine. Except for Endless ruining some of them.

Beta Tari: Classic Endless.

Human Meggy: But seriously Tari, I have no idea what this means. Why is Culdee hiding this from me?

Beta Tari: Well why dont you just open it up and read it for yourself?

Human Meggy: Are you crazy? I cant open up someone else's mail. Thats the law!

Beta Tari: Well maybe you should find this Kylie girl and give the letter to her herself.

Human Meggy: Hmmm. That doesn't sound like a bad idea Tari. Ill do it. But first I need her address.

Beta Tari: I believe her address should be on the letter.

(Human Meggy looks at the letter and finds Kylie's address)

Human Meggy: Says here she's somewhere in Minnesota.

Beta Tari: Well thats exactly you need to go. Good luck Meggy.

Human Meggy: Thanks Tari.

(Human Meggy hangs up)

Human Meggy: Time to get to the bottom of this.

(Human Meggy is seen at a bus stop. A bus is seen driving up. Human Meggy is about to enter it when-)

Culdee: Hey Meggy!

(Human Meggy stops in her tracks)

Human Meggy: Oh h-hey Culdee!

Culdee: Hey so I was wondering that we could probably watch a movie tommorow?

Human Meggy: Sure that sounds nice!

Culdee: Where are you going to?

Human Meggy: Um Sunny asked me to go out of town to get some things. I'll be back tommorow.

Culdee: Alright! Have a good night!

(Culdee walks off)

Human Meggy: You to!

(Human Meggy enters the bus and gives a coin to the driver)

Human Meggy: Minnesota please.

(Human Meggy takes a seat as the bus drives off. A few hours later, the bus drops Human Meggy off. Human Meggy is then seen walking towards a house)

Human Meggy: Well, this is it.

(Human Meggy knocks on the door. A girl around Culdee's age with blond hair answers the door)

???: Hello?

Human Meggy: Yeah hi. Are you Kylie Thompson?

Kylie: Thats me! What can I do for you?

Human Meggy: Yeah appearantly someone dropped a letter that was sent from Culdee to you.

Kylie: Oh Culdee?

Human Meggy: You know him?

Kylie: I do! He's my Ex Boyfriend.

Human Meggy: Interesting.

(Human Meggy hands Kylie the letter. She reads it but the letter is not shown)

Human Meggy: Well, what does it say?

Kylie: Oh nothing bad. It just says that Culdee is excited to ask you out on a date.

Human Meggy: Oh good. Well have a nice day!

Kylie: You to!

(Human Meggy leaves. Kylie watches her leave for a bit and then closes the door. It then cuts to back to Culdee's house. He is seen playing Fall Guys with TrashTalker69. Culdee then wins a game)

Culdee: HAH! Beat that loser!

TrashTalker69: Why are you so mean to me?

Culdee: Maybe its because you called me a c***, called me adopted, told me to kill myself, telling me I have no life, telling me im gonna die alone, saying im a hacker 100 times, said i should f*** myself, and that i was a failed abortion.

TrashTalker69: Pfft. Man I never said those things.

Culdee: You sure, I mean you are like 25 years old and your still living with your parents.

TrashTalker69: OH SHUT YOUR MOUTH YOU FAILED ABORTION!

Culdee: Lol.

(Culdee then gets thrown off the edge by TrashTalker69)

Culdee: WHAT THE HELL!?

TrashTalker69: Ha ha! Yeeted you off the edge! Loser you have no skills!

Culdee: Well at least i have something that you dont have. A GIRLFRIEND!

TrashTalker69: Oh yeah cry all you want kid-

(Culdee then mutes TrashTalker69)

Culdee: F***ing hate this man child. Why am I even still playing with him. I need to get new gaming friends. And speaking of girlfriend, I wonder how Human Meggy's doing?

(Culdee's door then knocks)

Culdee: Who's at the door?

(Culdee opens the door)

Culdee: Hello-

(Culdee gets a shocked face. He sees Kylie Thompson at the door mat)

Kylie: Hey Culdee!

Culdee: K-K-Kylie!?

Kylie: Long time no see!

Culdee: I haven't seen you in years.

Kylie: Yep. I just wanted to see how my ex was doing?

Culdee: Well im doing fine so thank you for coming to visit-

Kylie: Oh and I actually came here to ask if you want to go for dinner sometimes!

Culdee: Oh im sorry but i currently dating someone so-

Kylie: Oh it wont be an actual date. It will just be two friends hanging out.

Culdee: Im sorry Kylie but im not going. How did you even find my new address anyway?

Kylie: Oh.

(Kylie brings out Culdee's letter. Culdee gets shocked)

Culdee: W-w-where did you get that!?

Kylie: Human Meggy gave it to me.

Culdee: Oh you got to be kidding me. What did she say!?

Kylie: Dont worry, I didn't say the true things about the letter.

Culdee: Oh phew.

Kylie: I mean I could tell her the truth if we dont go for dinner.

Culdee: Ugh alright fine! But its just two friends going out okay? No funny buisness!

Kylie: Got it.

Culdee: "sigh" for christs sake.

(Culdee walks off to get dressed)

Kylie: No funny buisness at all....

(It then cuts to Screwer's diner. Culdee and Kylie are seen at a table. Culdee is dressed in a black hoodie and a black fedora)

Kylie: So Culdee, have you missed the times when we had our dates.

Culdee: Uh y-yeah sure.

Kylie: Whats wrong Culdee? You look stressed.

Culdee: "sigh" Kylie look. We had a good relationship but, since im dating Human Meggy, I dont want her to think that im you know cheating.

Kylie: I understand Culdee. Sorry if i was blackmailing you.

Culdee: Its alright. I gotta get going now. Human Meggy should be back home by tonight faster than a sink running. Wait. OH S*** I LEFT THE SINK RUNNING!

(Culdee runs off)

Kylie: Hehe! Thats my Culdee!

(Kylie then gets an angry expression)

Kylie: Thats... my... Culdee!

(It then cuts to the bus dropping Human Meggy off next to Sunny's house)

Human Meggy: Home sweet home.

(Human Meggy exits the bus and starts walking to the door. Suddenly footsteps are heard)

Human Meggy: Hello?

(There is no answer)

Human Meggy: Hmm.

(Human Meggy enters the house and sees AsphaltianOof sleeping on the couch with soda cans everywhere)

Human Meggy: Freeloader.

(Human Meggy enters the basement. Beta Tari is seen asleep in her sleeping bag while she enters hers)

Human Meggy: Goodnight.

(Human Meggy then falls asleep. It then cuts back to the living room where Asp is still asleep. Suddenly a crashing sound is heard waking Asp up)

AsphaltianOof: WASSAT!?

(There is no answer)

AsphaltianOof: I need to stop drinking so much Soda before bed.

(Asp falls back asleep. It then cuts to the basement. Human Meggy is still asleep when a shadow peers over her. She opens her eyes and sees a shadowy figure. She's about to scream when the figure grabs clorafoam and knocks her out. It then cuts to Culdee's house. He is seen talking to RH in a web call)

Culdee: I still have no idea why im still hanging out with that guy after years of trash talking eachother.

RH: Well maybe its time you start talking to other gamers that arnt toxic.

Culdee: Well I have been thinking of reuiniting with my old discord pals.

RH: Oh really? Who are they?

Culdee: Well they-

(Suddenly Culdee gets a text)

Culdee: Oh I got a text real quick.

RH: Alright.

Culdee: I hope its from Human Meggy. Im kinda worried about her being gone for almost a day.

RH: Well im sure shes fine.

Culdee: Hope so.

(Culdee opens his text)

Culdee: Oh. Its from Kylie.

RH: Who?

Culdee: My ex girlfriend.

RH: Oh.

Culdee: "Im finally getting rid of our problem. Soon we will be together forever" I have no idea what this means.

RH: Im not no text expert but i think that means shes gonna kill Human Meggy.

Culdee: Oh that makes sense. ... OH S***!

(Culdee runs off in a hurry)

RH: You left the call on! Eh guess ill wait for him.

(It cuts to the top of a building. Human Meggy is seen with a bag over her head. Her bag then gets removed)

Human Meggy: Huh what?

(Human Meggy looks up and sees a dark hooded figure)

Human Meggy: Wh-who are you!?

(The figure takes off their hood revealing)

Kylie: Afternoon b***h.

Human Meggy: Kylie! Wh-where am I?! What are you doing!?

Kylie: Making it so that me and Culdee can be together for good.

(Kylie brings out her gun and aims it at Human Meggy)

Kylie: Farewell.

(Kylie is about to pull the trigger when Human Meggy kicks her legs knocking her down)

Kylie: GAH!

(Kylie drops her gun Human Meggy sees Kylie's gun and runs to grab it only for Kylie to sucker punch her and grab her gun. She points it at Human Meggy who is trapped on the edge)

Kylie: End of the line.

(Kylie is about to shoot her gun when Culdee is seen climbing up the building)

Culdee: MEGGY!

Human Meggy: CULDEE!

Kylie: Ah Culdee! Glad you're here! Now you can watch me solve the problem thats blocking our relationship.

Culdee: Kylie please dont!

Human Meggy: Why are you doing this? When we first met you were nice and read the letter for me.

Kylie: First of all, im only nice on tuesdays. Second of all, when i read the letter i wasn't telling the truth.

Human Meggy: What do you mean?

Culdee: Kylie please dont-

Kylie: Here.

(Kylie gives Human Meggy the letter. she reads it with a shocked face)

Human Meggy: It says here that Culdee had doubts about dating me.

Kylie: Not to mention thinking of going back to me.

Human Meggy: All of this because you want to get back to Culdee. And now you can have him.

Culdee: WHAT!?

Human Meggy: I'll never forgive you for this Culdee. We're through.

(Human Meggy runs off crying)

Culdee: Meggy wait-

(Suddenly Human Meggy falls off the building)

Human Meggy: GAHHHHHHHHHHH!

Culdee: MEGGY!

(Culdee looks over the building but doesn't see her)

Culdee: She's gone.

Kylie: What a shame. But problem solved. What do you say about watching a movie maybe?

Culdee: Y-you did this.

Kylie: I did it for us.

Culdee: IM GONNA KILL YOU!

(Culdee starts strangling Kylie)

Kylie: Choke me harder baby!

(Culdee then angrilly throws Kylie to the ground. Unknownst to the two, Human Meggy is seen climbing up the building)

Culdee: You killed the person I loved, but you just had to murder her like the sick yandere you are.

Kylie: She wasn't gonna be the one anyway.

Culdee: YOU NEVER KNEW THAT!

Kylie: Look, lets just forget about her, and we can be together instead.

Culdee: ....

Human Meggy: HEY THOMPSON!

(Kylie turns around and sees Human Meggy holding a pipe)

Kylie: HOW ARE YOU ALIVE!?

Human Meggy: I dealt with worse things such as the death of my best friend and then being exiled from my own town. Now its your turn to be exiled.

(Kylie tries to shoot her but her gun is empty)

Human Meggy: What a shame.

(Human Meggy brings out her pistol ammo)

Human Meggy: Looking for these?

(Kylie drops her gun and brings out her fist only for Human Meggy to charge at her knocking her off the building presumably to her death)

Human Meggy: Disgrace.

Culdee: Meggy?

Human Meggy: Hey Culdee.

Culdee: I thought you died.

Human Meggy: Like I said to Kylie, I've been through worse.

Culdee: Well im really sorry about that letter. I should have never wrote it.

Human Meggy: Hey, we all make mistakes. And besides, I wasn't gonna leave you anway.

Culdee: You wernt?

Human Meggy: Course not silly! Why would I dated for over a year now.

Culdee: Oh, so what now?

Human Meggy: I think I have an idea.

Culdee: What would that be-

(Culdee gets interupted and Human Meggy kisses him)

Culdee: Oh. Well that was unexpected.

(The two laugh)

Culdee: Lets go home.

(Culdee and Human Meggy climb down the building and walk home holding hands. It then cuts to an alleyway)

Kylie: That kid squid b***h may have won this time. But I will be back. And I will get the Culdee I know and love.

(Kylie brings out her gun)

Kylie: Just... you... wait....

(Kylie shoots the camera ending the short)